|Name||Color||Cost||Type||P/T||Rules Text||Flavor Text||Rarity||#||Artist|
|_____||U||Creature — Shapeshifter||1/1||U||23||Ron Spears|
|“Ach! Hans, Run!”||Z||Enchantment||At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say “Ach! Hans, run! It’s the . . .” and name a creature card. If you do, search your library for the named card, put it into play, then shuffle your library. That creature has haste. Remove it from the game at end of turn.||R||116||Quinton Hoover|
|Aesthetic Consultation||B||Instant||Name an artist. Remove the top six cards of your library from the game, then reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card by the named artist. Put that card in your hand, then remove all the other cards revealed this way from the game.||R||48||David “Help Me” Martin|
|Ambiguity||U||Enchantment||Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.||R||24||Stephen Daniele|
|Artful Looter||U||Creature — Human Wizard||1/2||
Whenever a permanent comes into play that shares an artist with another permanent you control, untap Artful Looter.
|PRICELESS PIC PILFERED
Painting Found Abandoned in Graveyard
Merfolk Decry Wizards’ Treatment
|C||25||Heather “Erica Gassalasca-Jape” Hudson|
|Ass Whuppin’||Z||Sorcery||Destroy target silver-bordered permanent in any game you can see from your seat.||Asses to ashes,
Donkeys to dust.
|Assquatch||R||Creature — Donkey Lord||3½/3½||Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.
Whenever another Donkey comes into play, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.
|Who wants to see a picture of a big hairy ass?||R||71||Jeremy Jarvis|
|Atinlay Igpay||W||Eaturecray — Igpay||3/3||Oubleday ikestray
Eneverwhay Atinlay Igpay’s ontrollercay eaksspay ay onnay-Igpay-Atinlay ordway, acrificesay Atinlay Igpay.
|Isthay iecepay ofay avorflay exttay oesn’tday eallyray aysay anythingay.||U||1||Evkay Alkerway|
|Avatar of Me||U||Creature — Avatar||*/*||Avatar of Me costs
Avatar of Me’s power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me’s color is the color of your eyes.
|AWOL||W||Instant||Remove target attacking creature from the game. Then remove it from the removed-from-game zone and put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.||C||2||Stephen Tappin|
|Bad Ass||B||Creature — Donkey Zombie||3½/1||He wanders the land in search of Good Ass.||C||49||Thomas M. Baxa|
|B-I-N-G-O||G||Creature — Hound||1/1||Trample
Whenever a player plays a spell, put a chip counter on its converted mana cost.
B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.
|There was a farmer, had a hound . . .||R||92||Ron Spencer|
|Blast from the Past||R||Instant||Madness
Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to target creature or player.
If the kicker cost was paid, put a 1/1 red Goblin creature token into play.
|Bloodletter||B||Creature — Zombie||2/3||When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.||“That’s not an A, it’s an Æ. Wait, don’t—”
—Hœbrus Væm, Ærathi librarian, last words
|Booster Tutor||B||Instant||Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of those cards into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)||Real men use Arabian Nights boosters.||U||51||Christopher Rush|
|Bosom Buddy||W||Creature — Elephant Townsfolk||1/4||Whenever you play a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell’s name.||“Step 1: I believe in a power and toughness greater than myself . . . .”||U||3||Dan Scott|
|Brushstroke Paintermage||U||Creature — Human Wizard||2/3||He gives credit where credit isn’t due.||C||27||Ron “Don’t You Dare Change Me” Spears|
|Bursting Beebles||U||Creature — Beeble||2/2||Bursting Beebles is unblockable as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.||Like thousands of others, the beebles quit Magic for several years following the release of the Mercadian Masques set.||C||28||David “Beeblemania” Martin|
|Cardpecker||W||Creature — Bird||1½/1||Flying
Gotcha — Whenever an opponent touches the table with his or her hand, you may say “Gotcha!” If you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.
|Carnivorous Death-Parrot||U||Creature — Bird||2/2||Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.
|Save a kill spell to deal with this guy.||C||29||Tim Hildebrandt|
|Cheap Ass||W||Creature — Donkey Townsfolk||1/3½||Spells you play cost
||And you thought Yawgmoth drove a hard bargain.||C||5||Randy Gallegos|
|Cheatyface||U||Creature — Efreet||2/2||You may sneak Cheatyface into play at any time without paying for it, but if an opponent catches you right away, that player may remove Cheatyface from the game.
|Circle of Protection: Art||W||Enchantment||As Circle of Protection: Art comes into play, choose an artist.
||C||6||Jim “Stop the Da Vinci Beatdown” Pavelec|
|City of Ass||L||Land||City of Ass comes into play tapped.
||“But . . .”||R||134||John Avon|
|Collector Protector||W||Creature — Human Gamer||2/5||“Here—have a Mudhole.”||R||7||Christopher Rush|
|Creature Guy||G||Creature — Beast||3/3||Gotcha — Whenever an opponent says “Creature” or “Guy,” you may say “Gotcha!” If you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.||There once was a player named Quinn, . . .||U||93||Jeff Easley|
|Curse of the Fire Penguin||R||Enchant Creature||Curse of the Fire Penquin consumes and confuses enchanted creature.
Creature — Penguin
When this creature is put into a graveyard from play, return Curse of the Fire Penguin from your graveyard to play.
|Deal Damage||R||Instant||Deal Damage deals 4 damage to target creature or player.
Gotcha — Whenever an opponent says “Deal” or “Damage,” you may say “Gotcha!” If you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.
|Until he got singed . . .||U||74||Scott M. Fischer|
|Double Header||U||Creature — Drake||2/3||Flying
When Double Header comes into play, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner’s hand.
|Players that don’t read flavor text aren’t too bright, sorta smell, and dress funny. But let’s just keep this between us, okay? They can get kind of violent.||C||31||Richard Sardinha|
|Drawn Together||W||Enchantment||As Drawn Together comes into play, choose an artist.
Creatures by the chosen artist get +2/+2.
|“My Pete Venters theme deck is nearly complete. Then I shall be unstoppable! Bwahahahaaa!”
|R||8||Pete “Fear Me” Venters|
|Duh||B||Instant||Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)||Will players understand that the creature is being crushed by two parentheses?
Not a chance.
|Dumb Ass||R||Creature — Donkey Barbarian||3½/2||At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn.||Envying the intelligence of goblins is a bad place to be.||C||75||Bradley Williams|
|Elvish House Party||G||Creature — Elf Rogue||*/*||Elvish House Party’s power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.||The party was going strong for nearly an hour past midnight—then all of a sudden it just petered out.||U||94||Thomas Manning|
|Emcee||W||Creature — Human Rogue||0/1||Whenever another creature comes into play, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice “Presenting . . . ” and that creature’s name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.||The ogre appealed the match loss and got it downgraded to a warning.||U||9||Quinton Hoover|
|Enter the Dungeon||B||Sorcery||Players play a Magic subgame under the table starting at 5 life, using their libraries as their decks. After the subgame ends, the winner searches his or her library for two cards, puts those cards into his or her hand, then shuffles his or her library.||R||53||Luca Zontini|
|Erase (Not the Urza’s Legacy One)||W||Instant||If you control two or more white permanents that share an artist, you may play Erase (Not the Urza’s Legacy One) without paying its mana cost.
Remove target enchantment from the game.
|Synonyms for “erase” we haven’t used: ablate, abrade, chafe, fray, frazzle, scuff, and scrub.||C||10||Pete “Yes the Urza’s Legacy One” Venters|
|Eye to Eye||B||Instant||You and target creature’s controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.||True, Gargox had blinded himself for life, but the glass eyes never lost.||U||54||Michael Sutfin|
|Face to Face||R||Sorcery||You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that opponent.||Befuddled by this new game, Argg longed for the days of Rock, Rock, Rock.||U||76||Randy Gallegos|
|Farewell to Arms||B||Enchantment||As Farewell to Arms comes into play, choose a hand attached to an opponent’s arm.
When the chosen hand isn’t behind its owner’s back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards his or her hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn’t let us do it the other way.)
|Fascist Art Director||W||Creature — Human Horror||2/2||Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cranford,
After careful analysis of Jeremy’s vocational testing, I feel that he is best suited for a career in either torture or art direction.
|C||11||Edward P. “Feed Me” Beard, Jr.|
|Fat Ass||G||Creature — Donkey Shaman||2/3½||Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you’re eating. (Food is in your mouth and you’re chewing, licking, sucking, or swallowing it.)||Our lawyers say no matter how funny it would be, we can’t encourage players to eat the cards. Hear that? Whatever you do, don’t eat the delicious cards.||C||95||Jeremy Jarvis|
|First Come, First Served||W||Enchantment||The attacking or blocking creature with the lowest collector number has first strike. If two or more creatures are tied, they all have first strike.||The Yotian soldiers hoped that one day R&D would make an artifact creature whose name starts with Z. And in their dreams, it’s a 4/1.||U||12||Thomas Gianni|
|Flaccify||U||Instant||Counter target spell unless its controller pays
||“Don’t worry about it. It happens to every mage sooner or later.”||C||32||Tim Hildebrandt|
|Forest||L||Basic Land — Forest||L||140||John Avon|
|Form of the Squirrel||G||Enchantment||As Form of the Squirrel comes into play, put a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token into play. You lose the game when it leaves play.
Creatures can’t attack you.
You can’t be the target of spells or abilities.
You can’t play spells.
|Fraction Jackson||G||Creature — Human Hero||1/1½||Bitten by radioactive beebles in a freak algebra accident, young Ricky Robertson discovered he’d gained the ability to harness the awesome power of fractions!||R||97||Mark Poole|
|Framed!||U||Instant||Tap or untap all permanents by the artist of your choice.||Who knew an 8˝ by 10˝ could feel like a 2˝ by 4˝?||C||33||Alan “Don’t Feel Like You Have to Pick Me” Pollack|
|Frankie Peanuts||W||Legendary Creature — Elephant Rogue||2/3||At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.||Don’t cross him or you’ll end up sleeping with the merfolk.||R||13||Thomas M. Baxa|
|Frazzled Editor||R||Creature — Human Bureaucrat||2/2||Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of text in its text box.)||The pen is mightier than the sword.||C||77||Jim Pavelec|
|Gleemax||A||Legendary Artifact||You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.||Help us . . . R&D under mental domination of alien brain in jar . . . only chance . . . Gleemax’s blatant disregard for flavor text . . . send help!||R||121||Richard Thomas|
|Gluetius Maximus||G||Creature — Beast||5/5||As Gluetius Maximus comes into play, an opponent chooses one of your fingers. (Thumbs are fingers, too.)
When the chosen finger isn’t touching Gluetius Maximus, sacrifice Gluetius Maximus.
|Goblin Mime||R||Creature — Goblin Mime||2/2||When you speak, sacrifice Goblin Mime.||Pretending to be inside an invisible box was easy enough for Brug. It was finding the invisible door that caused him problems.||C||78||Franz Vohwinkel|
|Goblin S.W.A.T. Team||R||Creature — Goblin Warrior||2/2||Say “Goblin S.W.A.T. Team”: Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Play this ability only once each turn.||They put the “special” in special weapons and tactics.||C||80||Eric Deschamps|
|Goblin Secret Agent||R||Creature — Goblin Rogue||2/2||First strike
At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal a card from your hand at random.
LICENSE TO BE KILLED
|Granny’s Payback||G||Sorcery||You gain life equal to your age.||R&D Comments
BB 10/10: Why does a life-gaining card show an old lady killing people?
MR (10/10/03): We’ll fix it in the flavor text.
|Graphic Violence||G||Instant||All creatures by the artist of your choice get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.||WARNING: THE DOMINARIAN SURGEON GENERAL HAS FOUND THAT SAVAGE BEATINGS CAN LEAD TO CHUMP BLOCKS, LIFE REDUCTION, AND EVEN GAME LOSS.||C||100||Wayne “King of” England|
|Greater Morphling||U||Creature — Shapeshifter||5/5||R||34||Greg “Six-Pack” Staples|
|Head to Head||W||Instant||You and target opponent play Seven Questions about the top card of that player’s library. (That player looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no questions about the card that he or she answers truthfully. You guess the card’s name—that’s question seven—and the player reveals the card.) If you win, prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of your choice.||U||14||Thomas Gianni|
|Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil||B||Creature — Demon Child||8/8||Flying, first strike, trample
If you say “I’m coming, too!” as you search your library, you may pay
|Island||L||Basic Land — Island||L||137||John Avon|
|Johnny, Combo Player||U||Legendary Creature — Human Gamer||1/1||“Just wait till I get my Krark-Clan Ironworks, Genesis Chamber, and Grinding Station. Oh yeah, and a second Myr Retriever.”||R||35||Kensuke Okabayashi|
|Keeper of the Sacred Word||G||Creature — Human Druid||2/3||As Keeper of the Sacred Word comes into play, choose a word.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.
|This is not a subliminal message.||C||101||Dany Orizio|
|Kill! Destroy!||B||Instant||Destroy target nonblack creature.
Gotcha — Whenever an opponent says “Kill” or “Destroy,” you may say “Gotcha!” If you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.
|Getting “Gotcha’ed” again and again.||U||58||Corey D. Macourek|
|Ladies’ Knight||W||Creature — Human Knight||2/2||Flying
Spells that players wearing at least one item of women’s clothing play cost
|“I said ‘Put him in a core set, not a corset!’”
—Richard Garfield, Ph.D.
|Land Aid ’04||G||Sorcery||Search your library for a basic land card, put that card into play tapped, then shuffle your library. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.||C||102||Jim Nelson|
|Laughing Hyena||G||Creature — Hyena||2/2||Gotcha — Whenever an opponent laughs, you may say “Gotcha!” If you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.||“Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, ‘It’s getting hot in here, huh?’ The other muffin says, ‘Aagh! A talking muffin!’”||C||103||Mark Poole|
|Letter Bomb||A||Artifact||When Letter Bomb comes into play, sign it and shuffle it into target player’s library. That player reveals each card he or she draws until Letter Bomb is drawn. When that player draws Letter Bomb, it deals 19½ damage to him or her.||“Dear Magic R&D, . . .”||R||122||Daniel Gelon|
|Little Girl||W||Creature — Human Child||½/½||In the future, she may be a distinguished leader, a great scholar, or a decorated hero. These days all she does is pee the bed.||C||16||Rebecca Guay-Mitchell|
|Look at Me, I’m R&D||W||Enchantment||As Look at Me, I’m R&D comes into play, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than that number.
All instances of the first chosen number on permanents, spells, and cards in any zone are the second chosen number.
|Loose Lips||U||Enchant Creature||As Loose Lips comes into play, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, you draw two cards unless that player says the chosen sentence.
|Your sentence can’t be longer than this one.||C||36||John Matson|
|Magical Hacker||U||Creature — Human Gamer||1/2||1|= y()u (4|\| r3@d 7#][5, y0|_| /\r3 @ IVI0/\/$+3|2 &33|<||U||37||Doug Chaffee|
|Man of Measure||W||Creature — Human Knight||2/2||As long as you’re shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure has first strike and gets +0/+1.
As long as you’re taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.
|You need to be this tall to play this card.||C||18||Edward P. Beard, Jr.|
||What began as black
Has slowly shifted to red.
Fickle color pie.
|C||81||Paolo “That’s Actually Me” Parente|
|Mana Screw||A||Artifact||There was no darker or more evil creation in all the multiverse than that of the mana screw.||U||123||Mike Raabe|
|Meddling Kids||Z||Creature Human Child||2/3||As Meddling Kids comes into play, choose a word with four or more letters.
Nonland cards with the chosen word in their text box can’t be played.
|These kids know their four-letter words.||R||118||Christopher Moeller|
|Mise||U||Instant||Name a nonland card, then reveal the top card of your library. If that card is the named card, draw three cards.||mise 'miz v [alter. of might as well] (1997) 1: to win when you don’t deserve to 2: to top-deck the “tings” you need 3: to be rewarded by an opponent’s bad luck 4: to coin a phrase that spreads through the tournament scene like wildfire 5: to fling a monkey 6: to split firewood using a sharp instrument 7: To burn||U||38||Matt Cavotta|
|Moniker Mage||U||Creature — Human Wizard||2/2||C||39||Keith Garletts|
|Monkey Monkey Monkey||G||Creature — Ape||1/1||As Monkey Monkey Monkey comes into play, choose a letter.
Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.
|Many matches make more madcap monkey mayhem.||C||104||Liz Danforth|
|Mons's Goblin Waiters||R||Creature — Goblin Waiter||1/1||Sacrifice a creature or land: Add
||Poached Rukh Eggs
Wormfang Turtle Soup
|Mother of Goons||B||Creature — Human Cleric||3/2||Whenever a creature an opponent controls is put into a graveyard from play, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.||“Word to me.”||C||59||Darrell Riche|
|Mountain||L||Basic Land — Mountain||L||139||John Avon|
|Mouth to Mouth||U||Sorcery||You and target opponent have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of target creature that player controls.||Interesting tidbit: Surveys show that the card Ow has one of the most popular pieces of flavor text in the Unglued expansion.||U||40||Alan Pollack|
You don’t lose life due to mana burn.
|My First Tome||A||Artifact||This card is named My First Tome.||U||125||Heather Hudson|
|Name Dropping||G||Enchantment||Gotcha — Whenever an opponent says a word that’s in the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say “Gotcha!” If you do, return that card to your hand.||Gemini (May 21–June 21) This week is a good time to branch out and meet others, but don’t forget your roots. Avoid commitments and open flame.||U||105||Tony Szczudlo|
|Necro-Impotence||B||Enchantment||Skip your untap step.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay X life. If you do, untap X permanents.
Pay ½ life: Remove the top card of your library from the game face down. Put that card into your hand at end of turn.
|Now I Know My ABC’s||U||Enchantment||At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.||The quick onyx goblin jumps over the lazy dwarf.||R||41||Tony Szczudlo|
|Number Crunch||U||Instant||Return target permanent to its owner’s hand.
Gotcha — Whenever an opponent says a number, you may say “Gotcha!” If you do, return Number Crunch from your graveyard to your hand.
|Can you digit?||C||42||Stephen Daniele|
|Old Fogey||G||Summon Dinosaur||7/7||Phasing, cumulative upkeep
||“These kids today with their collector numbers and their newfangled tap symbol. Twenty Black Lotuses and twenty Plague Rats. Now that’s real Magic.”||R||106||Douglas Schuler|
|Orcish Paratroopers||R||Creature — Orc Paratrooper||4/4||When Orcish Paratroopers comes into play, flip it from a height of at least one foot. Sacrifice Orcish Paratroopers unless it lands face up after turning over completely.||IOU one parashoot
—Urk, mogg fanatic
|Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made This Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental||G||Creature — Elemental||2/2||Art rampage 2 (Whenever this becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker’s art beyond the first.)||Just call it OMRSTPLRLCNSW MTCTHTALCNEE for short.||C||107||Greg Hildebrandt|
|Persecute Artist||B||Sorcery||Choose an artist other than Rebecca Guay. Target player reveals his or her hand and discards all nonland cards by the chosen artist.||The torches and pitchforks were no match for Rebecca’s fans.||U||61||Rebecca “Don’t Mess with Me” Guay|
|Phyrexian Librarian||B||Creature — Horror||3/3||Flying, trample
At the beginning of your upkeep, remove the top card of your library from the game face up and balance it on your body.
When a balanced card falls or touches another balanced card, sacrifice Phyrexian Librarian.
|Plains||L||Basic Land — Plains||L||136||John Avon|
|Pointy Finger of Doom||A||Artifact||“I would have made a ‘Spin-The-Bottle’ joke if I thought anyone reading this had ever played the game.”
—Bucky, flavor text writer
|Punctuate||R||Instant||Punctuate deals damage to target creature equal to half the number of punctuation marks in that creature’s text box. (The punctuation marks are ! ? , ; : - — ( ) / " ' & .)||“Ooh—right in the colon.”||C||84||Jim Pavelec|
|Pygmy Giant||R||Creature — Giant||0/2||“487. You’re welcome.”
—Bucky, flavor text writer
|Question Elemental?||U||Creature — Elemental||3/4||Flying
Are you aware that when you say something that isn’t a question, the player who first points out this fact gains control of Question Elemental?
|“What the . . . ?”||U||43||Edward P. Beard, Jr.|
|R&D’s Secret Lair||L||Legendary Land||Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.
||“Let them complain. As long as the addictive ink is working, we can do anything we want.”
PLAY AT YOUR OWN RISK
|Rare-B-Gone||Z||Sorcery||Each player sacrifices all rare permanents, then reveals his or her hand and discards all rare cards.||The only rare you’ll ever need. Okay, not really.||R||119||John Matson|
|Red-Hot Hottie||R||Creature — Elemental||2/5||Whenever Red-Hot Hottie deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It has “At the end of each turn, sacrifice this creature unless you scream ‘Aaah!’ at the top of your lungs.”||She was winning the Dominarian “Are You Hot?” competition until disaster struck during the wet T-shirt round.||C||86||Jeremy Jarvis|
|Remodel||G||Instant||If you control two or more green permanents that share an artist, you may play Remodel without paying its mana cost.
Remove target artifact from the game.
|6 PM (23) This Old Grove 98055
A rusted masticore makes a beautiful addition to any garden.
|C||108||Lars Grant-“Wild Wild”-West|
|Richard Garfield, Ph.D.||U||Legendary Creature — Human Designer||2/2||You may play cards as though they were other Magic cards of your choice with the same mana cost. (Mana cost includes color.) You can’t choose the same card twice.||And yea he doth spake: “Let there be Magic.”||R||44||Dave Dorman|
|Rocket-Powered Turbo Slug||R||Creature — Slug||3/1||Super haste (This may attack the turn before you play it. (You may put this card into play from your hand, tapped and attacking, during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the end of your next turn unless you pay this card’s mana cost during that turn.))||U||87||Franz Vohwinkel|
|Rod of Spanking||A||Artifact||Minutes before the campus watch busted pledge week at the Alpha Beta Unlimited house . . .||U||127||Mark Brill|
|S.N.O.T.||G||Creature — Ooze||*²/*²||As S.N.O.T. comes into play, you may stick it onto another creature named S.N.O.T. in play. If you do, all those creatures form a single creature.
S.N.O.T.’s power and toughness are equal to the square of the number of S.N.O.T.s stuck together. (One is a 1/1, two are a 4/4, three are a 9/9, and four are a 16/16.)
|C||111||Cyril Van Der Haegen|
|Sauté||R||Instant||Sauté deals 3½ damage to target creature or player.||“Selecting the proper beeble is the key to a good sauté. The pinker the fur and the heartier the yelp, the more succulent the beeble will be when you pop it in your mouth.”
The Underworld Cookbook
|Save Life||W||Instant||Choose one — Target player gains 2½ life; or prevent the next 2½ damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn.
Gotcha — Whenever an opponent says “Save” or “Life,” you may say “Gotcha!” If you do, return Save Life from your graveyard to your hand.
|Who consistently managed to win.||U||19||Ray Lago|
|Shoe Tree||G||Creature — Treefolk||3/3||Shoe Tree comes into play with up to two shoe counters on it. Use your shoes as counters.
Shoe Tree gets +1/+1 for each shoe counter on it.
|It grows several feet a year.||C||109||Francis Tsai|
|Side to Side||G||Instant||You and target opponent arm-wrestle. If you win, put a 3/3 green Ape creature token into play.||His friends at the gym never knew Garanth’s secret shame. For years he had tried to walk away from professional arm wrestling, but hey—free monkeys.||U||110||Jim Nelson|
|Six-y Beast||R||Creature — Beast||0/0||As Six-y Beast comes into play, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that player guesses right, sacrifice Six-y Beast.||Is it six?||U||89||Anson Maddocks|
|Smart Ass||U||Creature — Donkey Wizard||2½/1||Whenever Smart Ass attacks, name a card. Defending player may reveal his or her hand and show you that the named card isn’t there. If that player doesn’t, Smart Ass is unblockable this turn.||“I don’t get it. Why doesn’t anybody like me?”||C||45||Trevor Hairsine|
|Spell Counter||U||Instant||Counter target spell.
Gotcha — Whenever an opponent says “Spell” or “Counter,” you may say “Gotcha!” If you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.
|Playing Unhinged, . . .||U||46||Doug Chaffee|
|Standing Army||W||Creature — Human Soldier||2/4||As long as you’re standing, Standing Army has vigilance. (Attacking doesn’t cause it to tap.)||They’re the chair-men of the bored.||C||20||Randy Gallegos|
|Staying Power||W||Enchantment||As long as Staying Power is in play, “until end of turn” and “this turn” effects don’t end.||Mongo’s fleas no longer bothered him. But the family of goblins that had moved in behind his left ear was starting to get really irritating.||R||21||Richard Sardinha|
|Stone-Cold Basilisk||G||Creature — Basilisk||2½/5||Whenever Stone-Cold Basilisk blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren’t letters.)
Whenever an opponent reads Stone-Cold Basilisk, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can’t attack, block, or play spells or abilities.
|Stop That||B||Instant||Target player discards a card.
Gotcha — Whenever an opponent audibly flicks the cards in his or her hand, you may say “Gotcha!” If you do, return Stop That from your graveyard to your hand.
|Now for a squirt of lemon juice.||C||63||Anson Maddocks|
|Supersize||G||Instant||Target creature gets +3½/+3½ until end of turn.||You want “mise” with that?||C||113||DiTerlizzi|
|Swamp||L||Basic Land — Swamp||L||138||John Avon|
|Symbol Status||G||Sorcery||Put a 1/1 colorless Expansion-Symbol creature token into play for each different expansion symbol among permanents you control.||“Everyone break into teams. Weaponry, you’re with me. Nature group, meet by the palm tree. Stoneworks and metalworks, follow the anvil. Everyone else, gather around the giant V.”
—Sword of Kaldra
|Tainted Monkey||B||Creature — Ape||1/1||“C’mon, choose ‘monkey.’ Everybody loves monkeys!”||C||64||Mark Zug|
|The Fallen Apart||B||Creature — Zombie||4/4||The Fallen Apart comes into play with two arms and two legs.
Whenever damage is dealt to The Fallen Apart, remove an arm or a leg from it.
The Fallen Apart can’t attack if it has no legs and can’t block if it has no arms.
|C||55||Corey D. Macourek|
|Time Machine||A||Artifact||R||128||John Avon|
|Togglodyte||A||Artifact Creature — Golem||4/4||Togglodyte comes into play turned on.
Whenever a player plays a spell, toggle Togglodyte’s ON/OFF switch.
As long as Togglodyte is turned off, it can’t attack or block, and all damage it would deal is prevented.
|Topsy Turvy||U||Enchantment||The phases of each player’s turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, end, postcombat main, combat, precombat main, and beginning.)
If there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.
|“Here on going is heck the what?”||R||47||Jeff Miracola|
|Touch and Go||R||Sorcery||Destroy target land.
Gotcha — Whenever an opponent touches his or her face, you may say “Gotcha!” If you do, return Touch and Go from your graveyard to your hand.
|Judge’s ruling: The interior of the face still counts as the face, so a nose-pick is legitimate grounds for saying “Gotcha!”||C||90||Ben Thompson|
|Toy Boat||A||Artifact Creature — Ship||3/3||Cumulative upkeep—Say “Toy Boat” quickly. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on Toy Boat, then sacrifice it unless you say “Toy Boat” once for each age counter on it—without pausing between or fumbling it.)||U||130||Lars Grant-West|
|Uktabi Kong||G||Creature — Ape||8/8||Trample
When Uktabi Kong comes into play, destroy all artifacts.
Tap two untapped Apes you control: Put a 1/1 green Ape creature token into play.
|“I desire the acquisition of a potassium-rich fruit comestible of substantial magnitude.”||R||115||Una Fricker|
|Urza’s Hot Tub||A||Artifact||www.wizards.com/hottub||U||131||Stephen Tappin|
|Vile Bile||B||Creature — Ooze||2½/2½||Whenever a player’s skin or fingernail touches Vile Bile, that player loses 2 life.||C||65||Tony Szczudlo|
|Water Gun Balloon Game||A||Artifact||As Water Gun Balloon Game comes into play, each player puts a pop! counter on a 0.
Whenever a player plays a spell, move that player’s pop! counter up 1.
Whenever a player’s pop! counter hits 5, that player puts a 5/5 pink Giant Teddy Bear creature token into play and resets all pop! counters to 0.
|Wet Willie of the Damned||B||Sorcery||Wet Willie of the Damned deals 2½ damage to target creature or player and you gain 2½ life.||Ever the warrior, Glissa responded with a “wedgie from beyond Uranus.”||C||66||Greg Staples|
|When Fluffy Bunnies Attack||B||Instant||Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature’s name.||“Get it? Bunnies, letters, -X/-X? Me neither.”
—Bucky, flavor text writer
Target player gains X life.
Destroy target artifact.
Counter target creature spell.
Destroy target land.
Destroy target enchantment.
|Wordmail||W||Enchant Creature||Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.||“Suck on it, Stangg!”
—Sol’kanar the Swamp King
|Working Stiff||B||Creature — Mummy||2/2||As Working Stiff comes into play, straighten your arms.
When you bend an elbow, sacrifice Working Stiff.
|Oh, does your nose itch?||U||68||Darrell Riche|
|World-Bottling Kit||A||Artifact||YOUR AD HERE||R||133||Alan Rabinowitz|
|Yet Another Æther Vortex||R||Enchantment||All creatures have haste.
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are in play under their owner’s control in addition to being in that library.
|It puts the “vortex” in “flavortext.”||R||91||David Day|
|Zombie Fanboy||B||Creature — Zombie Gamer||1/1||As Zombie Fanboy comes into play, choose an artist.
Whenever a permanent by the chosen artist is put into a graveyard, put two +1/+1 counters on Zombie Fanboy.
|The real advantage of being a zombie gamer? No one notices the stench.||U||69||Matt “I’m Your Boy” Cavotta|
|Zzzyxas’s Abyss||B||Enchantment||At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy all nonland permanents with the first name alphabetically among nonland permanents in play.||Tired of always being picked last, the wizard Zzzyxas created the ultimate revenge.||R||70||Pete Venters|
Unhinged Sortable Spoiler
Posted in Feature on November 22, 2004