Ach! Hans, run! It's Unhinged!

Posted in Feature on April 1, 2004

By Mark Rosewater

Working in R&D since '95, Mark became Magic head designer in '03. His hobbies: spending time with family, writing about Magic in all mediums, and creating short bios.

Has the hiatus ended?

"It's... it's... Just run!"

To quote a hot Infernal Spawn of Evil, I mean beast: It's coming!

Am I about to say what you think I'm about to say? Might all those internet rumors be true? Could that e-mail campaign have actually worked? Has hell really frozen over? Is it even possible for a hiatus at Wizards to end?

Keeping this in any longer is going to make something burst, so yes, yes, yes, no and yes. It's not every day that I get the great pleasure of sharing such wonderful, exciting, skepticism-raising news. But today is such a day. And what more appropriate day than April Fools Day to make this announcement.

Enjoy my friends, the wait is over!

Ready to rumble?

This November 19th, Unhinged, the English-only follow-up to Unglued, will be released. Beat down with Richard Garfield. Turn other players to stone. Affect games you aren't even playing. From sautéed beebles to flesh-eating parrots, from dancing expansion symbols to bladder-challenged little girls, the fun will never stop.

Having cards like Necro-Impotence, Flaccify, and City of Ass, you'll be able to break the game in half. You'll scream like a mime and growl like a bad ass. With Unhinged, you will play in ways you never expected in places you never thought you'd play. Cards without art will take on cards without names. With cameos by the likes of Rebecca Guay and Verdeloth the Ancient, Unhinged will take you to a world unlike anything you've ever seen. Just watch out for Gleemax. He'll suck away your will.

Exciting, huh? Uh oh, I don't think I should have spoken His name aloud. He'll be angry. You see, he doesn't know we did this. He's spent so much time lately indoctrinating the new recruits, that some of us old timers thought we could sneak it out the door when he wasn't looking. After all, what does an alien brain know about a parody set?

Gleemax reads articles, but how about caption text?

But, of course, we would never betray Him in such a matter. Such a thing would be unthinkable. Obviously, this is just a joke. We wouldn't actually make another silver-bordered non-tournament legal set. Not one with all new offbeat mechanics and a cool new set of basic lands. Definitely not one with 140 cards. No, we wouldn't think of doing that.

After Unglued, I was reprogrammed for two months to think I was a chicken. I mean, what kind of idiot would I have to be to try such a crazy thing again? I might be off kilter, but I don't think I'm crazy. Not that crazy. Not crazy enough to make a set this insane. Even if hypothetically I had the help of Randy Buehler and the Creative Text guys (Brady Dommermuth and Brandon Bozzi).

I'm sorry for babbling like this. Obviously, I'm just being delusional. I would never cross Gleemax's will. He obviously doesn't want another fun/casual set. And he is capable of reading the Internet. So obviously, this entire article is just an elaborate joke. I mean what better day than today to make up such a wild rumor. Right?

Thanks for reading this though. I hope you had a good laugh. Uh, April Fools!

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