Jakub Slemr vs. Gary Wise (5-2-1)
Things got a little silly in round nine as teammates Jakub Slemr and Gary Wise met at 5-2-1. Playing the identical "Suicide Brown" tinker deck, Slemr and Wise, who will be roommates at the Magic Invitational, were part of a team agreement that no one on the team would sideboard against any other. Wise won the toss and elected to play, while Slemr mulliganed a hand containing two land but three Voltaic Keys, and no Grim Monoliths or Mana Vaults.
Wise played first with an island, Mana Vault, and Slemr said go, failing to have drawn a land to go with his six-card Mana Vault, Monolith, Dynamo hand. After Wise tinkered to a Phyrexian Processor on turn 2 and played an Ancient Tomb to power it turn 3, Slemr conceded without playing a card.
This time, Slemr liked his hand, but Wise mulliganed twice, tossing a six-card hand with no artifact mana. Slemr played turn one island, Mana Vault, Voltaic Key, then turn two Tinker for a Phyrexian Processor, make a 10/10 token. Wise looked at his island in play and asked "So how much time exists in the round?"
"Going to game three with only 51:53 left," Wise observed, then offered to trade decks with Slemr, who said he didn't like Wise's black sleeves, prompting both players to say they could easily defeat the other by making him wash his hands. It was Slemr's turn to mulligan, but this time both players had solid hands.
Wise started with an island and City of Traitors, Grim Monolith, then tapped the Monolith to mana burn while Mana Leaking Slemr's turn two Grim Monolith, then mana burned again doing the same thing on turn three. On turn four, Slemr pulled mana, then attempted to Tinker away his Mana Vault but Wise Arcane Denialed the Tinker, causing both players to mana burn. On Wise's fifth turn, he had still only an island and a City of Traitors for mana in play with a tapped Grim Monolith. "Land, Dynamo... it's a good move," Slemr said.
"SHUT UP!" was Wise's reply. When Slemr laughed, Wise taunted him. "Funny boy? Make me laugh." To which Slemr replied, "Just do something, I will laugh." Wise played an Island and just untapped his Monolith, starting to play land, as Slemr played out a Crumbling Sanctuary, which Wise answered with a Masticore, before Slemr Tinkered his Sanctuary away the following turn for a Phyrexian Colossus. Wise let his Masticore die on upkeep and played his own Colossus, but Slemr dropped a Voltaic Key the next turn for the advantage, attacking Wise down to 8. Going to die the next turn, Wise dropped a Crumbling Sanctuary to stay alive, but Slemr's next attack milled three of Wise's Voltaic Keys out of the game in eight cards. When the next attack milled the last of Wise's keys out, he noted "Gary Wise then observed, 'I don't think my chances look good for this game.'"
Slemr followed up the attacks with a 13-point Phyrexian Processor, and sent Wise into his sideboard box for a Hurkyl's Recall, conceding the game.