The Un-Pro Tour!

Posted in Feature on April 1, 2015

By Mark Rosenbergwater

Mark Rosenbergwater hates bananas. Seriously hates them. Why is this a fruit that exists? Who would want this yellow travesty? I mean, really? Bananas? He also used to write for Roseanne.

Almost every day since the last Un-set was released, I've been asked when the next one will become a reality. "When is a new Un-set coming out?" "When are we going to see a follow-up to Unhinged?" "When am I going to get a new Donkey Lord?" All of these questions got us thinking: why stop at a new Un-set? Why don't we have the Unglued theme invade all forms of Magic?

With that idea in place, we set out to bring you...the Un-Pro Tour!

That's right. Get your Chaos Confetti in order, consult the Gleemax for last minute deck tech, and get ready to unleash your inner B.F.M. (Big Furry Monster), because the Un-Pro Tour is the proving grounds for the world's best players. It'll be three days of Unglued block Booster Draft and Standard—with Unglued and Unhinged legal for tournament play—as the Pro Tour formats.

The Un-Pro Tour will take place April 1–3, 2016, in the beautiful but humble confines of Richard Garfield, Ph.D.'s home in Washington, where over 350 of the world's best Magic players will gather for three days of Ass Whuppin'.

Richard Garfield, creator of Magic and Pro Tour show host.

Speaking of Ass Whuppin's, every competitor in the Un-Pro Tour will receive an event-exclusive Ass Whuppin' promo card. However, unlike most promos you receive, every Pro Tour competitor is required to play with their Ass Whuppin'. And don't worry: you can use any mana colors to cast it. Be prepared, however, because players are expected to add this promo card to their deck, thereby making every competitor's Pro Tour deck a minimum of 61 cards.

The prizes for this event will be just like every Pro Tour, with the winner receiving $40,000, Platinum status for the season, and a big trophy for their achievement. However, instead of a novelty check, they'll instead receive a giant copy of Ass Whuppin' with their likeness drawn into the art!

The idea of an Un-Pro Tour is something that I've been wanting to do for years. It's been so hard to keep it secret that I actually haven't. I talked to a few of the game's most iconic players to get their thoughts on the upcoming Un-Pro Tour!


Hall of Famer Luis Scott-Vargas: "I can't wait to Mise at this Pro Tour."


Hall of Famer Brian Kibler: "I'm pretty skeptical of any sets that don't have Dragons…but sure, why not?"


Hall of Famer Jon Finkel: "…you're joking, right?"


Aside from inviting all of our top players, invitations to the Un-Pro Tour will be handled a bit differently. Rather than having you compete at your local game store through Pro Tour Qualifiers, we'll be determining additional invitations via a more scientific approach.

If you can't make it to the Un-Pro Tour, never fear! Coverage is here! Join Pro Tour host Rich Hagon, with additional commentary from yours truly, for three non-stop days of coverage.

Literally.

We're going to start the broadcast on Friday, and then we're going to keep going through the night. When we're not showing you the latest Magic being played in the feature match area, you'll get all kinds of insights from both of us from the news desk. I'm honestly not sure how we'll fill the time when the tournament ends for the day, but we'll find a way.

I know Rich has a couple of ten-minute jokes lined up, and I can always reminisce with stories about card designs, but we may have to take some Pro Tour competitors hostage for some overnight interviews. Time will tell!

The Un-Pro Tour will be the most memorable Magic tournament we've ever run. If you're playing in it, then best of luck, and may you dish out a ton of Ass Whuppin's.

And if you're not playing in it, then be sure to tune in to coverage of the Un-Pro Tour to see who emerges as a Bad Ass, and who turns out to just be a Dumb Ass.

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